The list

So before our family knew that we were the victims of a sexual predator in our midst, I knew that the statistics for all sexual assault and child sexual abuse in particular were underreported, I just never realized by how much.  I never knew how many ordinary, wonderful people had experienced the loss of their innocence as children, mostly at the hands of a friend or a family member.  I had no idea.  I have been so grateful for every person who has shared their stories with us and value their anonymity, but I still think that someone else should recognize the shear numbers I am talking about.  So I am going to compose a list.  This list is only of private citizens who have either shared their story directly or a family member has shared it with us.  The list will have the following components:  the relationship of the perpetrator to the victim, the age of the victim at the time of abuse and stars next to perpetrators who had some legal consequence for their action.  Let’s see how this goes…

1=age 0-10

2=age 11-17

3=adult sexual assault

 

 

Brother* 1

Father   2

Stepbrother 1

Stepbrother 1

Father 1

Brother 1

Friend’s father 1

Father 1

Father 1

Uncle 1

Unspecified male relative 1

Pastor 1

Male relative 1

Mother 1

Father 1

Brother-in-law 1

Coach* 1

stepfather 1

stranger 1

stranger 3

male babysitter 1

male babysitter 1

acquaintance 2

friend’s brother*1

friend’s brother 1

acquaintance* 3

brother 1

male relative 1

stepfather* 1

stranger 1

mother’s boyfriend*2

stranger 2

stranger 3

stranger 3

grandfather 1

grandfather 1

uncle 1

sister 1

female babysitter 1

male relative 1

male relative 1

male relative 1

father 1

teacher 1

teacher 1

teacher 1

family friend male 2

family friend male 2

male relative 1

male relative 1

 

I have to say I do not believe even this list is comprehensive to the people I know.  It does not include several of C’s victims just because they have not been categorically confirmed.  Add five for him alone, and then there are at least another five I know who I do not count because they are not fully confirmed.  I do think there have been additional people I have talked to who know or are abuse survivors who simply did not tell me there stories.  So think about the diagram or circle you could draw with more than forty children whose lives have been scarred by sexual abuse, people who have been raped.  When i review the list i realize how many more people i would add if i included family members of perpetrators.

I am one person yet I know over 40 people violated by sexual abuse.

How about you?

Who do you know suffering alone in the aftermath of abuse?  tell them our story, tell them they are not alone.  break the silence

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2 thoughts on “The list

  1. Massively, horribly heartbreaking. But I think you are right: the light of day and kindess toward victims/survivors are vital for healing. Hiding and shame wither.

  2. I wanted to drag this whole thing out of the dark. Hiding the abuse enables the abusers and dooms the victims (who are children!!) to a silent prison. I am so grateful for you and all my friends who have listened/read.supported me and by doing so, I truly believe, helped other victims.

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