searching hope

once wrote


a counterpane

of fish



a dream

breathed into life by a


and a Man

who says

I will make you


of men


all these years later

I walk all the edges

of another woman’s storm

the signal tracks

from the

coast of Texas

all the way to the Pacific

crossing fast

too fast

toward winter…


can you be there?


that is what I would think if I were your mother

I would search the shore,

each map

the satellite

dropped pins

and the faces of

friends and strangers

for signs of my missing



so you don’t believe

in hell–


the connection is poor

(a pre-paid call, of course…)

and you have to ask all

the hard questions yourself

even though the answers are

worse than

why did you do it?

and why were you angry?

and what does it mean when I know

every word between us



the things you have taught me

in hell


where the bleep is Ronan Farrow when you need him?

My little one wanted to go to the beach.  His cuteness trumped democracy and we went to the beach instead of the park.

While there we witnessed a bullying incident I would classify as both assault and child abuse.  A group of older children were repeatedly dragging a little boy through the water and pushing his head down under the waves.  He was crying.

When I realized what was going on I yelled for them to stop and asked the people on the shore who was responsible for the teens?  An older woman announced that she was and that the little boy was being justly punished for throwing sand into a teenage girl’s eyes.

I was appalled and shaken.  In any other place I would have immediately called 911.  Here, I am convinced they will not respond.  I took my kids to our van and continued to eye the situation with the abusive family. I filmed the woman briefly and attracted her threats and fury.  I did report the incident to the police but am unconvinced I did enough.  I should have begun filming immediately and called 911 immediately.  I think now that I should have waded into the water to physically intervene and asked the boy directly if he needed physical shelter.  I should have stayed with him and insisted on intervention.

It was not enough.  And now I will be forever haunted by a little boy, helpless among his own.

note-this had another name in the title, I changed it to a guy I do actually think is pretty heroic

First you have to acknowledge

you are a crime victim

your child is a crime victim

the family itself has been

smashed from the inside out

from the core of who you were

the sense of safety

is gone

and all that remains

is the awareness of sharp edges

hard objects

unfamiliar territory


narrow ledges next to deep waters

where predators reside

everything has changed

simply because a truth has been revealed

no one is ever really safe.

no one

save Jesus