Here are some markers–I struggled with a sadness so strong when I was young that I frequently wished for death. God would tell me, hold on, it will get better. Your storms almost killed me. How many times did you tell me you did not love me?
When I was 17 I saw that dad was not the bad guy.
When I was 22 I realized that I would have to weather your storms to make wise decisions
When I was 30 I faced my monsterization-just like grandma and grandpa.
When I was 30 I heard you hurt me viciously and intentionally.
When I was 34 I faced your mental illness.
When I was close to 40 I talked to you about it. That did not go well.
For over 15 years I have weathered your vision of me–a monster.
I know you love your dogs more than me
You sided with a pedophile rapist over your grandchildren, his victims.
I do not believe this letter will reach you.
But it is the last way to say
I love you, get help
You need help.